....

I know I am happy and satisfied with what I have right now but the dreams/nightmares that I keep having for the past few days keeps me wondering about everything. I know dreams are only dreams, they won't happen in real life. But I also believe too that you see dreams because one way or another, there is something that you need to know.

I'm happy being in this relationship, really. Maybe as they say, people get used to being around someone else and being too comfortable around that particular person. I am also a human, although I don't demand much out of a person, I still need to feel special none the less.

I am happy for the past few months, but I don't know, I always felt that something's lacking. Maybe some will say I think too much, some might say you're insecure, some will say you're superstitious. But what else should you really believe in in this world but your instinct and the feelings you have.

I keep having dreams about your ex's.. Tell me if I'm wrong.. I dreamt of you two being together again against the odds. When I wake up and see reality, the feeling you give me is that you still love her. I felt like nothing but just a passerby in your life. I don't know how long can I still fight for what I see vs. what I feel. I don't know if I can hold on to the promises you made or give it up to what I feel...

I know this might seem childish, but I hope that you still remember the kind of person that I was and still am. I look not for the riches one have, I can earn it on my own. I don't look for any material thing, I can get it by my own also. What I need is the heart that can keep a promise. The one promise that said he can love me for the rest of his life. The one that promised who said that I am the one. The one who said he won't lie to me no matter what. The one who promised that he will not make me cry. Just a simple promise, I gave everything. All that I was expecting in return is the honesty.

happy 6th...

Oh how time flies by when you're happy to be with the one you love...
6 months seems like 6 days passing by and somewhat like 6 years of being together...
I love every second of being with you. Although there are a couple of times that I cried not being able to see you and times that I felt you were taking me for granted, I still love you for being you.
Don't change, but if you do, change for the better.. I will always be here for you..

爲什麽你最近讓我覺得你對我忽冷忽熱。。？

acceptance..

I love him. I really do. He already meant so much for me that I can't imagine life without him in the picture.

When you love someone, it means that you are willing to take everything about a person. Without any inhibitions, you fall and you accept whatever it is about that other person. I wonder if there really is anyone like this. I doubt it would be me.

I saw him smoke again, I said to myself to let him be. He'll one day get over it(maybe..?). But there is something brewing inside of me whenever I would catch the smell of the cigarette or when I see him do it. I don't know what that is(not now just yet..) but definitely it is not a good thing. I don't know how long will I still be able to hold myself together, to have that understanding that I always have sticked to, to see clearly what is really there. I'm so afraid of one day bursting out all feelings I have and then get exhausted.

Babe, I don't know really how to say all these that I'm feeling. I hope you would understand. I really do hope one day you'd quit it. As I always say, not for me but for your own health. Please?

适合走到最后的人，从一开始就是为了彼此而生的

适合走到最后的人，从一开始就是为了彼此而生的。
世上倘若有两个人注定要彼此相爱，那么在他们 相遇之前，
他和她的每一步都会朝着对方走去，不偏不倚，不管是多么的不可能。
我相信这一点，相信冥冥中注定的相遇和分离..

credits to sharing.my

it's over and done

Everything was done the day you decided to be with her. I was ready to give my heart that time but anyway, you threw it right back at me. Now that you wanted me back (for reasons I don't want to know anymore), I'm sorry I've moved on. Your words don't sweep me off my feet anymore like they once had. Everything happens for a reason, and maybe meeting you made clear to me as to who I really wanted to be with. Now that I've found him, I hope that you'll take good care of the one who chose to be with you too.

a little argument is good for the relationship

I don't like him smoking cigarette's... The other day I got mad again with that.. This time he got into deep thinking.. My anger turned to being scared... Scared of what he might say,, i might be thinking too much? There's something in me that is so afraid of that happening...

Looking at him by my side, I don't know if I saw tears swelling up in his eyes. That was the time I feel so sure about him yet still so afraid of him going away. I'm afraid of getting into any arguments because maybe I'm not prepared to hear what others might say. Lights closed, we started talking. I wept. I don't know why. Without seeing, I feel, I hear. It still proves to be true, Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears. I felt his words. Strong enough to make me fall again. This time I'm more convinced, more sure that someone is really there to catch my fall. 

One thing I want you to promise me. Don't promise me that you're going to quit smoking when you can't, just do it and prove to me. It's hard when you make promises and you can't fulfill them. It's hard to be disappointed every time I see you do it. 

find someone who complete you or complement you...?

Saw my mentor yesterday at office.. never forgot what he said before... find someone who complement you because when you are looking for someone who completes you, you'll just be shattered. Make yourself a full circle first before looking for someone. That way, when that someone leaves, you won't be shattered although there will be pieces of the circle that has broken away.. The time that he said that, I'm still alone in my life, coming to terms with everything that's happening around me, making peace with my past, figuring what I really wanted to do with my life.. Piece by piece, I found these things and finally having a vague view of everything.. This was 2 months past the time I met him, the one I'm with right now.. 

He was a different man from those I usually met in my circle or more so to say, he was not the type you'd see in my circle.. He had an aura that until now I'm still having a hard time to figure out.. Felt like I still don't know him enough... Charge it to being brought up differently? (everyone is.....) or to the different people we've met? (same thing....) The day I decided to be with him, I finally have an answer to myself that even if he will leave one day, I'll still be alright (perfectly alright..?) 

This was kind of like a thinking I have held on to until now that I'm thinking is it really true..? Fast forward to being in a relationship for a few months, there were times I cried because I'd miss him so much. There were times that a mere mention of his ex's would make me jealous. There were times I don't know if I had made the right decisions.. Is it that loving him changed how I think about things. From the time I had thought about this until now, is it that, well, I'm still a circle from the very start,, but that I will get broken piece by piece eventually...? And now the question is, will I still be the whole same self that I used to be when the day come that we part ways. I don't know if he had come full circle in his life by this time or there's still part of him that is still holding on to another circle.. I hate to think of having to part ways, but better think of the worst than to expect the best.. (right..?)

Till now, I would still agree that one should be a complete person first before finding someone that complement him/her.. But quite a paradox... What really would happen after finding a person that complement you and after parting ways, would you still be a complete person...?